Relational trauma refers to a pattern of abuse or neglect, typically perpetrated by someone looked to for love, trust, or to feel safe with, such as a parent or caregiver.

It’s also known as attachment trauma or complex trauma.

It implies a disruption in a relationship early in life that impacts relationships later in life, including the relationship with self as well as with others. 

Relational trauma interferes with a person's sense of safety, trust, and the ability to form healthy, secure attachments with others.

Causes of Relational Trauma

• Emotional neglect and abuse
• Narcissist or emotionally immature parenting or caregiving
• Inappropriate sexual behaviours or exploitation
• Physical harm or violence
• Death of a parent or caregiver
• Divorce resulting in the lack of physical presence of a parent or caregiver
• Something else dominating the caregiver’s attention such as work or the physical or mental health needs of another family member
• Active substance use by a caregiver impacting their ability to be both physically and emotionally present for the child
• Enmeshment

Enmeshment can take the form of:

• The child becoming responsible for the emotions of the adult, either because of the adult’s expectations or the child’s desire to caretake the adult
• Over-involvement by a parent or caregiver in the child’s life

It’s important to note that relational trauma can be unintentional on the part of the parent or caregiver. It can reflect intergenerational patterns, with the parent or caregiver often having experienced relational trauma in their own childhood.

Impact of Relational Trauma

People who’ve experienced relational trauma may struggle with trusting others in addition to struggling with setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. Boundaries may be too rigid or too loose.

Relational trauma can also result in social isolation and avoidance or in chronic feelings of loneliness. You may feel alone even when in a relationship or in a social setting.

Relational trauma is associated with depression and anxiety, substance use, nonsuicidal self-injury (NSSI), and suicidal ideation. You may engage in some of these behaviours in an attempt to cope with the pain of the relational trauma.

An individual who has experienced relational trauma may struggle with emotion regulation as well as with dissociation.

Relational trauma impacts physical health as well as mental health. 

Some common physical health symptoms reported by those who’ve experienced relational trauma include:

• Digestive issues
• Chronic pain
• Headaches
• Difficulty sleeping
• Chronic fatigue or exhaustion

Healing From Relational Trauma

You may wish to work with a licensed therapist to address the impact of relational trauma.

Some forms of therapy that may be helpful include dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) or somatic-based therapies. Read this post for more information on therapy for trauma survivors.

Self-help tools can be an important part of healing from relational trauma. These can include:

• Self-guided mental health support
• Journaling
• Books
• Yoga or other forms of movement
• Mindfulness and meditation
• Engaging in creativity such as through art or music 

Addressing relational trauma is important because many adults may not realize the connection between symptoms they experience and their childhood experiences.

Summary

Relational trauma refers to the negative psychological impact that arises from difficult experiences within interpersonal relationships, particularly during early developmental stages.

Relational trauma can have far-reaching effects on a person’s wellbeing, including:

• Difficulty forming and maintaining healthy relationships
• Emotional dysregulation
• Low self-esteem
• Emotional numbness
• Physical symptoms such as: digestive issues, chronic pain, headaches and fatigue

Fearful avoidant attachment often develops from relational trauma. Read this article to explore five ways our Toolkit helps address common challenges associated with this attachment style.