In the beginning of a new relationship, things might feel great – you share common interests, your values align, and there’s a strong spark. But over time, relationships can change, leaving you feeling confused and overwhelmed about how things got to this point.

A healthy relationship should lift you up and make you feel safe, secure, and supported. But what happens when a relationship drains you instead of nourishing you? Recognising the signs of a bad relationship is the first step toward change. If your relationship is toxic, addressing it is necessary.

It's important to note that any relationship can be toxic. While it might be a romantic relationship, you could also struggle with a boss, friend, family member, or coworker.

Keep reading to learn five common signs of bad relationships. Some warning signs are subtle, but if any resonate, it’s a good indication your relationship may be unhealthy.

1. Lack of Accountability

When every disagreement turns into your partner playing the victim, or every conversation about growth shifts to their personal struggles, it’s a strong sign they’re avoiding accountability.

A successful partnership requires both individuals to take responsibility for their actions. As relationship therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw points out in I Want This to Work, "Accountability requires two things: understanding and ownership." Without accountability, growth in a relationship is impossible, and the same patterns of conflict will keep repeating.

2. Lack of Communication

Poor communication is one of the clearest signs of an unhealthy relationship.

Healthy communication is the foundation for resolving conflict and making your partner feel safe. If your partner frequently resorts to blame, criticism, name-calling, or yelling during arguments, these are red flags.

In these cases, even minor issues can escalate into major conflicts, eroding trust and connection. Talking to a marriage counselor or family therapist can help, as communication breakdowns often stem from unresolved, deeper issues.

3. Lack of Respect

As people become more comfortable in a relationship, they might start neglecting basic courtesies.

If your partner uses an aggressive tone or body language, ignores you when you express your feelings or needs, leaves mess around the space, or is overly critical, it’s a sign they don’t respect you. Over time, this disrespect can severely damage the relationship if not addressed.

4. Other People Say You're Not Yourself

When you’re in a toxic relationship, it’s common to feel shame or confusion. A telltale sign is when those close to you notice changes in your mood, energy, or overall behaviour – when they see you being treated poorly.

While it can be hard to hear, listening to the feedback from trusted friends or family can give you a perspective you may not see yourself.

5. Emotional Coldness

A red flag you shouldn’t ignore is emotional coldness. If your partner shuts down during difficult conversations, avoids conflict altogether, or emotionally withdraws, it can leave you feeling abandoned and unsupported.

Emotional withdrawal often stems from unresolved conflicts or trauma, and if it’s ignored, it can create a growing emotional gap. This behaviour erodes trust and intimacy, making it harder to reconnect or resolve future issues.

Taking Action

Recognising these red flags is the first step toward addressing unhealthy relationship patterns. These behaviours might signal deeper problems, but they don’t always mean the relationship has to end.

With open communication, self-awareness, and a willingness to seek help, many couples can work through these challenges and build healthier, more supportive connections.

Dr. John Gottman emphasises that "it’s not about avoiding conflict but learning how to manage it effectively." Addressing trust and respect issues, taking responsibility, and reestablishing emotional intimacy can help couples create a stronger, healthier relationship dynamic.

If you notice these patterns in your relationship, take the time to reflect on whether the relationship is truly serving you. Below are some practical ways to navigate the signs of a bad relationship:

Improve Communication

Make time to discuss your feelings and needs with your partner. Use "I" statements to avoid blame, which can help prevent defensiveness and open up more constructive conversations.

Set Healthy Boundaries

Clearly define what is acceptable behaviour and communicate your boundaries to your partner. Boundaries protect both partners and foster mutual respect.

Address Disrespect

If your partner uses aggressive language, is dismissive, or shows disrespect, calmly explain how their behaviour affects you. Setting clear consequences can also be helpful in reinforcing boundaries.

Avoid Escalation

During conflicts, avoid name-calling, yelling, or blaming. If things get heated, step away to cool down and revisit the conversation once both parties are calmer. This prevents minor issues from escalating unnecessarily.

Seek Therapy

If communication efforts aren’t improving the relationship, consider couples counseling. A therapist can provide a neutral space to address deeper issues and offer strategies to improve your relationship.

Self-Reflection

Regularly check in with yourself. Are your emotional needs being met? Are you excusing unhealthy behaviour? Self-awareness is key to recognising when a relationship is no longer beneficial.

Evaluate for Change

Recognise whether your partner is willing to grow and improve. If they’re resistant to change, it may be time to reconsider whether the relationship is right for you.

Summary

Change is possible, but it requires effort and commitment from both partners. Recognising these signs early and actively working to correct them can help you build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship in the long run.

The five signs of unhealthy relationships we reviewed were:

• Lack of accountability
• Lack of communication
• Lack of respect
• Other people saying you’re not yourself
• Emotional coldness

Taking proactive steps to improve an unhealthy relationship is essential for personal wellbeing and mutual growth. While not all relationships can or should be saved, addressing these issues can provide the clarity needed to either strengthen the relationship or move on.

Interested in Relationship Skills Worksheets?

If you’re interested in a self-guided program that includes tools from NVC, DBT, CBT, ACT and more, be sure to check out The Mental Wellbeing Toolkit. It's "like 10 therapy sessions in one."