The first-semester phone calls are usually upbeat. New friends, a hard class, a roommate story worth telling. Then, sometime during college, the calls may get shorter, less frequent, or strangely cheerful and evasive.

Parents often notice the change before they can explain it. Paying attention to those shifts can help identify a problem before it grows.

Why College Can Be a Risky Time

For many students, college is the first time they're making most decisions about their day without anyone checking in. That independence is an important part of college life, but it can also make changes in behavior harder to spot.

Social environments can add another layer. Heavy drinking or drug use may be treated as a normal part of campus life, making it difficult to distinguish experimentation from an emerging pattern of substance use.

Early Warning Signs Worth Noticing

A few changes are worth paying attention to:

• Increasing secrecy about evenings, weekends, or plans. They may become vague about where they're going, who they're spending time with, or what they've been doing. They might also become unusually defensive when asked simple questions about their schedule.
• A noticeable drop in academic performance. Grades may decline, assignments may be missed, or attendance may become inconsistent. A sudden change is especially worth noticing when it doesn't fit the student's previous academic habits or level of effort.
• Frequent requests for money without a clear explanation. They may ask for extra spending money more often or give unclear answers about where their money has gone. Unexplained financial problems can be worth paying attention to when they appear alongside other changes.
• Major changes in sleep, appearance, or energy. They may start sleeping at unusual times, seem consistently exhausted, neglect their usual appearance, or experience noticeable changes in weight or energy. These changes can have many causes, so look for an ongoing pattern rather than one isolated change.
• Pulling away from activities and relationships that once mattered. They may stop participating in clubs, sports, hobbies, or social activities they once enjoyed. Their social circle may also become narrower or increasingly centered around people or situations connected to substance use.

Remember, none of these signs alone confirms a substance use problem. But a pattern of several changes, especially when they represent a clear shift from the student's usual behavior, does deserve attention.

A Familiar Scenario

Imagine a student who arrived on campus organized and engaged, stayed in regular contact with home, and took school seriously.

By the spring, the calls have become quick texts. Grades have slipped, and requests for extra spending money have become more frequent.

From a distance, it may look like a student simply adjusting to independence. That's what can make emerging substance use easy to explain away.

Why Substance Use Can Be Hard to Spot

Distance is a major challenge. Parents and friends often see only brief snapshots through phone calls, visits, and social media.

Students may also work hard to maintain appearances when they know someone is paying attention. A concerning pattern can develop between those moments.

What Parents and Friends Can Do

A direct, caring conversation is usually more productive than confrontation or surveillance.

Ask open questions and give the student room to answer honestly. “How's it actually going, beyond what I’m seeing on social media?” can open a very different conversation than asking what happened on a particular night.

Regular contact matters too. Staying connected when everything seems fine makes it easier for a student to talk when something starts going wrong.

When to Seek Professional Help

If concerning changes continue or a conversation reveals a pattern that goes beyond typical experimentation, consider reaching out to a professional.

A professional assessment can help clarify what's happening, including how often substances are being used, whether use is affecting school or relationships, and what kind of support may be appropriate.

Treatment options for young adults can include individual or group therapy, family involvement, peer support, and treatment for co-occurring mental health concerns. Some people may benefit from intensive outpatient or residential treatment when they need more structure and support.

The right approach depends on the person's needs, circumstances, and readiness for change. You don't have to wait for a crisis before asking for help.

Summary

College can make changes in substance use difficult to see, especially from a distance. Paying attention to shifts in academics, relationships, finances, and everyday behavior can help you recognize when something may be wrong.

Approach the person with curiosity rather than judgment. A caring conversation and early professional support can make it easier to address a problem before it becomes a crisis.

Helpful Tools

Our self-guided program includes tools from CBT, DBT, ACT and more, so you can discover what works best for you. Check out The Mental Wellbeing Toolkit today – it's "like 10 therapy sessions in one."

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